All about ice

2011-04-20T01:55:00.000+08:00

Confused.

I don't know why I'm having all these negative thoughts. ):

Wini, Wini, FOCUS!

2011-04-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

You're on a crashing plane and your partner is fast asleep. Would you wake her/him up to say 'I love you' one last time or let her/him die in her/his sleep?

Submitted By viva_para_dios

View 1871 Answers

Saw this on Jacq's blog.

I think I will make sure he doesn't wake up from all the commotion. Because I won't want him to suffer the pain of seeing him lose his love one. At least when he dies, he is with his love one, having the memory of going on a vacation/ or having enjoyed a vacation, rather than be horrified the end is nearing.

I would rather bear the pain by myself, and seeing that he is ok, I will be alright.

2011-04-12T01:22:00.001+08:00

When I walked past that corridor where he always takes a puff, I thought I caught a whiff of the familiar burnt tobacco smell...

Was I imagining too much? 2 nights in a row, same spot.

Awkward moment when my neighbour asked about him. When my neighbour prompted "move out already?" I just said "yes". Technically, I'm not wrong. I just didn't want to tell you everything.

Just hope that you leave everything behind and live a happier life now. Don't have to worry. I'm going to study real hard and earn a lot of money to take care of family.

Just go and don't look back.

2011-03-25T03:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when you don't talk, it doesn't mean you ain't thinking about it.

Sometimes you talk a lot, just to mask the fact of the many other things you are thinking about that you don't wish to tell the others.

But sometimes, all I want is to not talk at all, away from anyone and just let the thoughts come alive. Even if I were to wallow in self pity...

So please don't force me alright? Like a mimosa, the more you force me, the more I will retreat into my inner core and never face the light again.

2011-03-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

Rain drops

The rhythmic sound of the rain drops syncing with the heart pounding.
An emotion stirring in the depths of the soul.

Memories marred with questions and uncertainties.
The rain seem to wash over them,
clearing away the dirt,
revealing what's beneath.

Lies are intertwined with the truth.
Only the clear headed and pure hearted can see through.
Don't be fooled by what's told and what's seen,
for the ears and eyes could be tricked by the many disguises.

As the rain drops bounced off the skin lightly,
the heavy burden seemed to be lifted off the shoulders
ever so lightly...
ever so lightly...

The temporary relief, the temporary retreat,
to the world unknown to others
but only to me.

But when the rain stopped
Reality crash the soul,
suffocating it, bringing an abrupt halt to the internal train of thoughts.

Theres a rainbow of hope.
Somewhere out there, after the rain.
Visible but unreachable.

Life continues even if you stop,
nothing changed
before and after the rain.

2011-03-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

Train to school

The pair of old folks boarded the train. I didn't notice the old man at 1st, and since the gentleman beside me gave up his seat for the old woman, I remained seated while playing solitaire. Then I saw him, and got up hastily and gave up my seat, without much thought. They thanked us profusely and appeared embarrassed.

Just then, I just wished that whenever my aged parents board the train, some kind soul will offer their seats to them as well. (I'm guilty of staring at young people with the deadly stares to get seats for my parents. HAHA)

Before they reached their destination, they got off their seats and insisted that we returned to our seats. They only seem happy after me and the said gentleman were comfortably back on our seats. Such a cute couple.

I hope when I grew old, I will be like them.

2011-03-06T18:18:00.000+08:00

Days as Quasimono

Google if you have no idea who I am talking about. I thought having a cough/flu was bad enough, sniffing-blowing coughing every 5 seconds. Went to the doctor in JP (lost hope in NTU's one) and got 5 DIFFERENT medicine. But being a good patient, or simply too sick to protest, I took the 5 different medicine and went to sleep. Woke up feeling sicker. Called mum and she said "YOU SOUND TERRIBLE", cue for me to skip lessons and go straight home.

Face started showing some red itchy swells, looking like mosquito bites. Dismissed it, until it started to form an ugly patch on my left cheek. Oh my, started whining about disfigured, but mum said may not be that serious. Sleep through the night only to wake up with a swollen right eye, swollen right ear, swollen right cheek and swollen right neck! D: I looked hideous.! Just want to cry. Didn't know if its going to be permanent and want to cry. Mum brought me to the doctor who said I got an allergic reaction to one of the medication. )))): OH MY. 1st time ever. Had new medication for my cough/flu and to purge out the med that is causing me to look like an elephant man. It was only then that I realize how important looks are to a person. I don't aspire to be some beauty queen, I just wish to be normal. Those stares at the clinic, I don't think I can stand such scrutiny on a day-day basis. ):

Thank goodness swelling went down. And I think the lousy doc in JP gave me extra dosage of anitbiotics. 480mg- 2 tablets, 2 times daily. ))))): Ask me before going, I will tell you which clinic it is.

2011-02-20T18:16:00.000+08:00

Stupid wisdom tooth.

Doc said my headache could be due to my wisdom tooth as the gums are swollen. And my body-ache and soreness in my arms are due to too much stress or over strain, so I'm told to rest and relax. That is if I can afford it. Got a new nasal spray as well, a different brand though. Hope it works for me. :/

I'm really kind of tired. And truth be told, if people were to see my thoughts, I think it will scare them. One constant theme= death. And no, I'm not suicidal. Its just that the inevitable ending to life scares me and yet life after death fascinates me.

Mum told me that one day she will leave too. And I don't know why, but every time I recall this, and realize how very old my parents were, I just have this uncontrollable feeling to cry. Jack is equally old too, and his health is failing. I know it may sounds silly, but I'm trying to picture death, so when it really comes knocking again, I hope I have the strength to face it bravely. Sudden dismissal creates void that will be filled with coldness. If I'm prepared, maybe I can fill the hole with happy memories, and have the person live through me.

I'm scared to sleep at night. For my dreams seems to haunt me by the thought I have in the day. And when the lines between reality and dreams blur, I don't know which to believe, whom to trust anymore.

I just hope I can maintain my sanity.

2011-02-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

HORSES!

The romance star is shining on us this year! Tao Huas many many.!

May even have wedding bells ringing. Jiayou people! Your princess/prince is on the way!

Huat arh!

2011-01-31T15:50:00.000+08:00

Jack gave me a HUGE scare.

Decided to not go for today's session of HE205 even though I'm registered for today. Hoping to get tomorrow's slot. Thank God I stayed home.

Was camping for STARS today at home, doing random blog shop hopping. Went to my parent's room to get something. Jack followed me. Then he had another fainting attack. I was alone at home. Was freaking scared, but I managed to grab hold of him before he fell. He was wheezing and I stroked him to give him warm and kept repeating: "Stay calm Jack. Relax. Breathe properly. Don't worry, I'm here, don't worry." He went unconscious and peed uncontrollably, but I dare not stop stroking him nor talk to him. Then he woke up, was still stroking him, trying to give him warm and comfort at the same time. He was so weak, and he looked so guilty for peeing. Had to reassure him its fine.

When I got up to make my way to the phone (should have my hp with me 24/7) he got up and want to follow me. For fear for 2nd attack, I told him to walk slowly and I took those slow strides to the phone. He still appeared weak. As I made those 3 phone calls, he stayed by my side, lying on the floor. I gotten everyone home. I was freaking scared, but I had to be strong for Jack.

Gave him more blanket now, and he is resting. That poor baby. God, please hear my prayers. Don't take him away from us. Please. We all need him. And don't sneak attack anymore.

2011-01-28T01:13:00.001+08:00

If I had a time turner...

I wished time could reverse, and I'm back to those days where I can still see you, hear you and talk to you.

Last night, before I went to bed. I thought I heard you, your voice, and just then, memories like a floodgate came rushing into my mind. I saw you, saw your smile, heard your laughter... If I could see them all again. To tell you those things which are too late to say now.

I woke up next day scared that my eyes will be too puffy and swollen. No idea why I tell the whole world I'm fine, when I'm not. The hurt, can't be described. Those late nights, are just as unbearable.

2011-01-26T11:45:00.002+08:00

Created a tumblr at last.

mywhimsicalland.tumblr.com

2011-01-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

For the subjects I studied the most, I got the cui-est result.

For the subject I studied the least, I got the best result.

For the subjects that I studies neither the most nor least, I got average result.

Is this a sign that too much studying makes you kuku and thus screwing up those papers?
I need guidance, I need a breakthrough, and not disappointment every time I see my results because the time used to study the subject and effort is not directly proportional.

From the above, its looks indirectly proportional.

2011-01-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

I want to

SCOLD YOU
KICK YOU
CURSE YOU
STAB YOU

Thats what I want to do. You idiot. Bringing me misery every time, twice a year.

2011-01-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do anymore.

How do you deal with grief?

Some people choose to voice it out loud, complaining and pushing the blame to everyone. In hope that the grief could be transferred to someone else, and at the same time, people will start to sympathize with you. But this is not me. I don't need people to know, I don't need consolation.

What I need is someone to slap me in the face, asking me to face the truth, rather than molly coddling me and telling me everything is fine when it obviously isn't.

Some people choose to avoid the situation. Simply running away and performing disappearing act. Becoming all tight lipped and agitated when people asked about the situation. But this is not me. I do not run away from the situation, because avoiding the problem temporary will only cause more pain later.

Just like a sprained ankle. It will hurt when you injure. But you choose to ignore the pain and hope it heal by itself. When the time period is dragged too long, when you seek treatment afterwards, the road to recovery will be a longer and more painful process. No, I don't want that.

Some people choose to be in self-denial. If you think positively and believe everything is fine, then everything is truly fine right? But when truth reared its ugly head towards you, can you still say and believe what you are telling yourself? You can lie to the whole world, but you can never lie to yourself.

Some people choose to pack away the stuff that relate to the situation. The symbolic way of packing away, throwing away the unwanted stuff, and keeping only a few things for remembrance. This means acceptance, and thus moving on.

This hurts more, as every item is linked to a memory, a precious memory that was once shared between us. At times, I still believe that I will still be able to see you in your room. You calling me to help you get food for you. You asking me to open the gate for you because your arms are full. You having a talk with me about my future. You being there to rescue me when I get into trouble.

I don't say them out, but the truth is, I miss you so much...

2011-01-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

Braved the rain to get hot food home for mummy for dinner. Went to 511 market to get Mee kuah, the hot spicy mutton noodle soup. Funny thing was, the shopkeeper remembered me from our past encounters. He asked me with a mock reprimanding voice asking why I hadn't been buying from him for quite a while now. I was a bit surprised that he actually remembered me. Imagine each day, how many customers does he have to serve? So we had a friendly conversation.

Storekeeper: "Still schooling?"

Me: "Yup"

Storekeeper: "Where?"

Me: "NTU"

Storekeeper: "Ohhh. I was from Singapore poly"

And the conversation went on, from my major to hall. He looked mildly interested in whatever I had to say, but at the same time, eager for the conversation to carry on and not died down. His partner was busying cooking my food and him entertaining me. Deep down, I was wondering was he trying to distract me, because my food seems to take a much longer time to cook today. His partner spoke to him in a language I know not of, sounded like Malay- Indian mix and they both smiled in my direction. Somehow the smile looked like a snigger and made me want to leave as soon as possible.

When I was walking home, I realized that most shopkeepers like to have a friendly conversation with me. Like the Ramly Burger man who though I was 15 to the Uncle at the aquarium shop who asked if I'm going Pasir Ris for BBQ advising me to look out for parang-welding teens...

I wondered... When I reached home and emptied my bag of soup noodle, I realized I was given a bigger portion.! Looks like having a friendly conversation does has its benefits!

2011-01-07T18:04:00.000+08:00

Don't lie, steal, cheat or drink.

But if you must, then,

Lie into the arms of the one you love.
Steal the heart of the one you love the most.
Cheat death, so you will not hurt the ones who love you.
Drink in those magical moments you spent with the one.

6 months.

2011-01-06T20:12:00.001+08:00

Some friends, once lost, will never return...

I didn't know that the 2 of us will come to this end. I knew that our bridge of communication was breaking and that the 1st sign of how much we were drifting came during my 20th birthday. It was the 1st time your didn't send a parcel or a card to me. All I gotten was a short sms from you towards the end of the day. You said you didn't forget, and I chose to believe you. After that short conversation, our line of communication broke again. I can't help but remember how our Smses conversation used to last for days, never ending. How I stood through your 1st and 2nd break-up, answering your calls and consoling you into the wee hours of the night.

The 2nd obvious sign came during your birthday. I sent you an sms early in the morning, and through the whole day, I got no reply back. It can only mean a few things, either you didn't see my msg and thus didn't reply, you didn't want to reply, or you changed your number. I told myself to give you the benefit of doubt. Surely our friendship which blossomed when I was 14 and you 15, which stood by the test of time despite us going different JC and your stint in NS, isn't going to go away just because of a silly SMS.

But then time tells everything. And I can no longer delude myself that our friendship has "sunk". Friends warned me that a guy can't be your best friend forever. They told me that during our friendship period, he actually hoped for something more, something I failed to notice because to me, he had been just a brother, my buddy, nothing more, nothing less. So did our friendship just failed because he chose to forsake me so he can go find another girl (which he did, happily attached now. Congrats) or simply because we drifted apart because distance and time pulled us apart?

I'm really sadden by this, because I hold every friendship very closely to my heart.

Is it going to be like this? When my guy friends found a partner, they are just going to dump all their female friends? Can their female counterparts be gracious enough to accept us too, as we are his friends, the ones who stood by him during his worst and best time, when she wasn't around yet?

Its like the female friends are tissue papers. Once the guy found his handkerchief, he is going to dump all those tissue papers who stood by him as they are disposable and temporary. Only when he lost the handkerchief, will he start looking for those tissue papers again...?

I was just a tissue paper you used when you needed someone. Now that you have found your handkerchief, I had finished serving my purpose...

2011-01-01T12:24:00.000+08:00

Life has its ways of determining a course for you to take.

A leaf could yellow and fall off a tree or it could be plucked off forcefully, ending its premature life.

2010, I ended with a heavy heart. And I start 2011 with the same heavy heart. A lost that can't be returned can only live forevermore in the heart. The weight of this realization makes the heart aches.

Do you believe there can be a grief whereby the heart can no longer feel pain? Shock, grief, denial, acceptance and moving on, the 5 different stages of coping with a loss. I don't where I'm now, like a floater without an anchor.

I wished Life could give me a warning before delivering news to me...

2010-12-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

:D

You are doing a great job making me a one happy girl during this horrible time.
Hang in there too alright? <3

2010-12-11T17:47:00.000+08:00

Its exam period, but I'm not going to talk about my feelings about it, because it will only make me more miserable than I already am.

I don't why I will be that affected. Was it that demeaning tone that you make? Its not the 1st time I had people questioning my name, but do you have to be say till so blatantly? "What kind of name is that?" Hello, it is a proper name, and I don't blame you for not knowing it, but at the very least, please respect my name. Its not some ridiculous name like "Wiwikiwi" or something right? Even if so, its basic courteous to respect other's name. BECAUSE MY PARENTS PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT IN NAMING ME. Hmpf! My name means "friends of peace" and my chinese name meant "champion of warmth". They are linked and I think its very meaningful, so if you do not know, I rather you stay ignorant rather than to question my name just because you haven't heard of it before.

I wonder do others have such trouble with their names.

And what you think is weird, I think its special. And I shall not stay angry for long, because I should be forgiving and understand that its the ignorance in you and perhaps that tad of insensitivity.

2010-12-09T14:45:00.000+08:00

I miss home already... D:

On the phone with my sister and mummy over these 2 days. And I feel miserable. Exam period is such a depressing time, and the home is the most comforting place, but like my friends said, if you were to go home, its like going to JB from NTU, the only difference is theres no need to stamp your passport.

8 more days, and I will be back. 8 more days to my awesome bed. 8 more days to be back home with family and dearest Jack. 5 papers, just grit my teeth and do my best. I have done everything within my means, I hope it will pay off handsomely...

2010-12-09T14:24:00.001+08:00

2010-12-09T02:46:00.000+08:00

2010-12-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

Sigh.

Studying with the girls had been nothing but fun. Amid all the mounting stress and what not, its nice to know that you are not alone and that when you have quires, theres always someone on standby to guide you. When you get too stressy, there will be those lunch break and dinner break to look forward to. And those small snacks that everyone took turns to bring/ buy and the nice cup of tea that one of them will offer to buy.

Today is our last session together before we retreat into our caves and return to battle on Friday. The next few days will be tough, let's run this last stretch together girls!(: Sushi waiting for us at the end.

2010-12-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

OMG!

Got stalked by some random guy when I went down to buy dinner for family. I was dressed in a school tee and FBT, totally cui. Of all girls on the road, why pick me? D: Luckily I had my umbrella, so I gave him my deadliest stare and showed him my umbrella. It worked, and he scrammed.

Kind of sad what had become of my neighbourhood. Perverts, molesters and mini bengs. Seriously. I used to stay out late in my secondary school days due to night study, and never had I ever felt unsafe. D:

Jack pawed me. The way he asks for attention is simply adorable. 1st prodding you with his wet nosey, then keep lingering around you, then put his head on your thighs and paw you after. :D Who can resist such a cute boy? Miss him everything I'm in hall. Such a sweet lovable boy who will accompany me every where I go. <3 him!

2010-11-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

It felt surreal. At the moment, nothing really went through my mind. I was smiling, and you were smiling. So that explains everything you talked before that. All those plans in the future.

It was funny and cute at the same time. And silly me, all this while worrying about how things seem too good to be true.

I felt safe and secured while having my hand in yours. (:

2010-11-24T11:48:00.000+08:00

I need a new pair of flats, a new pair of sandals and I want a new pair of slippers.! D:

Retail therapy... Christmas sales will up soon, I want to be part of it and do my annual X'mas shopping. I want to go Orchard Road to see the Christmas Lighting even if the whole world thinks its ugly. I want to soak in the atmosphere and spirit of my favourite holiday.

All this will have to wait till 17th Dec. 10-17th Dec, the sacred week, give me wisdom yo!

2010-11-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Its been years...

Years since I last saw him. When I met him today, I wasn't sure that it was him, I thought it was just another random stranger on the train who was looking at me weirdly. I grew conscious of my outlook, but then, on 2nd thought, why should I care? So instead, I looked longer at him, and this time, I found him familiar.

It was him indeed. It was really awkward meeting him again. I looked away and pretended I didn't know him and continue listening to my iPod, and him the same. But throughout the whole ride, we both kept glancing at each other. At his stop, he paused at the exit, took one more glance, before alighting.

I thought of the times we were friends, I thought of the letters he wrote when I started to ignore all this calls and smses. The many attempts he tried mending the bridge again, but I refused, simply refused. That was because he betrayed my trust, and most importantly, he disappointed me beyond measure. I was just a young girl who just started Secondary school, and he was the Senior in yr 4. I trusted him and confided in him. And he took my trust and broke it.

It's easy to gain my trust, but once you lose it, you will never get it back.

In the past, I felt hurt, but with time, as I grew wiser, I only feel this odd sinking feeling. An old friend I lost, simply because of his jealousy and childishness. He thought things could work out, but I only wanted friendship, things turned ugly, and when he asked for forgiveness there after, I see no point anymore.

Thinking back, what went through his mind when he saw me...

2010-11-17T13:49:00.000+08:00

Angsty!

I need an outlet to vent. I want to hit the dislike button for my life now. When life offers you a gift, it always comes with many attachments. Nothing is free, you lose something or pay with something to get the gift. When life gets too good to be true, its probably true because life will hits you back at your highest point and send you tumbling down the valley of misery, right down to the deepest pits.

I need insights, I need wisdom, I need rationality, I need everything, every bits of good luck, to tide me through one of the hardest year for me. At times I think I have become desensitize by all the stimulants that I become indifferent, but when I start to peel the many layers of protection I built up and look right into the core, to the most vulnerable part, I saw that I need salvation. Hiding within myself isn't going to help anything. Doing nothing to aid the situation is worst. Either way, the right thing now to do is to seek help or self-help. Burying myself in work and trying to busy myself to stay away from the root of problem doesn't make things go away.

Above it all, I need courage. Smile, you can do it.

2010-11-16T00:54:00.000+08:00

Why must every single test results include the mean? Its like the tutors are taking considerable efforts to constantly remind us that we are to be compared, to be placed on a scale. And that if you ain't good enough, you will be thrown off the scale.

The mid term is the 1st glimpse of where we are standing, and judging by my cui-kabom, mediocre results, I'm the most likely person to be thrown off board.

Wini will not give up without a fight, renewed sense of drive... Keep this momentum going, every failure is just going to feed my desire to prove to the others that nothing can get me down. NOTHING.

2010-11-14T23:54:00.004+08:00

Love is never measured by the times he made u laugh, but by the number of times he made u smile after u cried.

I don't know anything, I'm slow, I don't understand how it works, I'm a retard most of the time, but through all these times, you stayed behind to guide me and to teach me. With your kind patience, I begin to appreciate and see and learn things I never knew existed. When I'm down, when I'm stress, when I'm sad, when i'm just plain weird, somehow you can make things better. Was it that smile? Or that sincere concern? Or was it I'm getting used to having you by my side to tell me things will get better? You told me to stay positive, to smile more and be happier.

I tried counting the number of times you made me smile after I'm feeling down, and I lost count... :)

2010-11-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

Sudden realization.

There isn't much time. So now you are moved to one of the top on priority list. (:

Can't wait for that day too. A little break from the endless routine and before the mounting pressure crash us to death.

A date with Harry! :D don't disappoint please.

2010-11-11T12:19:00.000+08:00

Tired.

But at least I'm still happy.

Thousand and one things to do, with only 24 hours a day and deadline looming, I'm trying my very best to stretch time, stall time, freeze time, stop time. I'm not looking forward to the end of sem.

2010-11-08T11:28:00.000+08:00

Mum seems totally psych for my up-coming holidays. She took leave from her work, and she's planning a little get-away for the 2 of us. I shall promise to give my mama more time and love. She totally deserve a break. ((: To my superwoman: Love you always, and appreciate everything you have done. You are the best mum, my best adviser, most understanding friend who will laugh at your daughter's clumsiness, shyness and stupidity acts. :D Can't ask for any better, because I have the best.

2010-11-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

((:

Promise you that I will not be such a mugger and will take breaks in between.

I will take one step at a time and stop pressurizing myself.

I will try to make time for you soon.

So, don't miss me too much k? ^^

2010-11-06T22:55:00.002+08:00

Demoralized.

Harsh reality. That's the real world.

It's not that you are not good, u are just not good enough when being COMPARED.

2010-11-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

I'm but just a human.

Stop pushing your limits. I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible and tolerating all the attitude you gave me even though I have my own problems to deal too. I had enough, it was the last straw. Whatever happened to everything that we once discussed? Those supposed privacy boundaries? It seems like I'm the only who bothered to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable, but you, did you even bother? Did you even consider my feelings?

And you, did you bother asking me, when I thought of discussing with you 1st only to see that you had everything planned and conveniently just think I can make it? Its just plain rude.

Sick and tired of everyone treating me this way. Like I'm a pushover. I can be nice, if you are too. Thats just rude and I will not take it lying down. Get the hell out of my sight now.

2010-10-29T01:24:00.000+08:00

It was miserable.

I was crying, and blabbering my feelings, but no coherent words came out because they were mangled with my tears and mucus.

But it was just a dream. Why does it feels so real? Dreams are safe haven in which we retreat at night, away from the harsh reality and into another world. No judgement, no one to hurt you, for once, you are safe. Or so, I thought.

After last night, I fear sleeping and being lure into the false sense of security, because no place is safe anymore. Even though I'm mentally exhausted, I rather continue staring at my notes.

2010-10-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

Supposed to be studying, but am taking a short short break.

This is getting depressing, so I stopped doing those MCQs. I don't want my confidence level to keep falling, so I turned back to trusty notes and buried myself in them. Throughout this whole recess week, I only had a day off and a night out. Day off was to go and get stuff with my sister before she flies off to London. 2 weeks! D: Sad not to have her around. Night out with the econs people, fun and enjoyable night, a well-deserved break for me from those studying of he209. Somehow, I still feel ill-prep. And my stupid nose is getting all "emotional" because of the haze. I can't breathe properly, and the air is really much worst on this side of the island. Almost got a panic attack when I can't find my nasal spray, because I could not breathe properly with all the sneezing and mucus. Thank goodness managed to locate it. Just a little relief, but am still breathing in a choke nose. My air passage is blocked.

My mood is simply going down-hill, alternating between sadness and frustration. This is getting from bad to worse to worst, it kinds of frighten me. I'm behaving like an angsty teenager, with random mood swings. I find my own laughter hollow, like I'm laughing for the sake of laughing. Its no longer from the heart, like my heart died from the many blows it suffered. Desensitized to prevent itself from more emotional trauma.

Okk, enough of a break, back to he209. God bless I do well for this quiz. Please...

2010-10-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

Comforting enough

Every night, whenever I get scared of what's going to happen tomorrow, I will take out my phone and scroll to my favourite message of the day. Somehow, the message will make my troubles evaporate at that moment and I will fall asleep smiling.

For 2 nights, it had been yours. God has been kind to send someone like you to stay by my side.

2010-10-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

Its a good start definitely.

So my words are true, when you are so low, you know that no matter what, it can only get better. Starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Though it meant reopening some wounds and exposing them to more attacks. It also meant more understanding and possibly a closure to this whole wild goose chase episode. Some lies may be outrageous but sometimes, its the truth that is stunning. I shall wait for all parties to tell me the truth before I pass any judgement. As said "all men are innocent until proven guilty". Disappointment awaits me, but at least its better than those days of anguish and confusion due to lack of communication and influx of malice rumours and scandals.

Truth prevails, as the wise man will say "every lie needs 10 more to cover". There is no way one can keep the lying game carry on forever. The wisest thing to do is to face the music. Let this be a lesson learnt.

After all this mess, I don't know will my heart ever believe another. But at least, his sms still brought a smile to my face. Silly boy. :D

2010-10-15T02:46:00.001+08:00

That was the sweetest thing one can ever say.

And you wrote it down on a paper, just like a promise.

(: Thanks for making me feel like I'm living in a fairytale.

2010-10-14T23:26:00.001+08:00

I smiled

It came from within, and it felt great. Thank you. :D

2010-10-14T17:18:00.001+08:00

I had never been so careless in my work. Never been so absent-minded.

I'm not good in anything, and the only thing I pride myself with is perhaps my careful and detailed note-taking.

But now, even this. Focus focus, you can make small blunder, but please stop embarrassing yourself and others.

Starting to hate myself more and more.

People told me to stop blaming everything to myself, but can I not? ):

I hate you, and I hate myself even more. For once, I really want to hurl vulgarities.

2010-10-11T23:27:00.000+08:00

The one baby that matters the most to me.

I almost lost him. The call that came. I broke down after. All this mounting stress from the past weeks, and now even my pillar of strength, the one whom I can always count on for comfort, companion...

No, this can't be happening... Misfortune, one after another. Just how much can I take?

Please don't take him away from me yet God, I still need him. He is very much family. I just can't bear the thought of losing him...

I feed him his breakfast today, if I didn't have the chance to say good bye to him, I will hate myself forever.

2010-10-09T14:03:00.000+08:00

The sweetest words came out when I needed someone there for me.

This week had been a roller-coaster ride for me. A good thing that came out of it all, we settled on our choices for FOC main committee, after an agonizing four-day event. Happy and satisfied with our choices. It was a good thing I had this event to keep my mind off things.

Mood has been on a mudslide since Sunday. Roomie drew a picture of Jack to cheer me up, as I complained to her that I missed having him by my side during this period. Now, I have Jack by my side, sleeping soundly as I typed away.

Friends around me have been having a bad week too. Always the listener, I find it hard to tell them my situation and even harder to relate now, since they have their own problem. Yes, I know friends will catch me if I fall. The concern I had received thus far really help me tide through this week.

I feared the ring of my phone, yet I know I have to face the truth, the person on the other end of the line must have been desperate enough to call me.

Save me before I get suck into this black hole.

2010-10-06T02:25:00.000+08:00

When the truth is out...

I just can't see the rationale behind not going for a confrontation, seriously. How long more can we act like none of those things haven't happened? How long more can we take all those lies and cover ups? How long more can I be around that person without lifting my hands off to give a good slap right across the smug face?

Why must we take such a meek stand? Can't we stand up against him? Its like a silent battle within, hurting emotionally... If things don't get cleared up, the prick in the heart will never be removed. A single small action can cause a new wave of pain coursing through the body every time we revisit the issue, with unanswered questions.

During a crisis, its said that a mother's hug to a child is liken to a sponge absorbing water. The mother's hug took away the fear the child had, as he feels safe and secure within the comfort warmth of the person he trusts most.

It is at times like this, that I need my sponge.

2010-09-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

Its hard to go on like nothing happen when your whole life is in a tumble.

When you have so many things going on, and you have to act like nothing.

When you are suffocating, and need a breather.

When all you wanna do is to run to the end of the world and stay there hidden till the storm is over.

But you can't, because you have to stay strong for someone else.

Because you know the moment you are down, their whole world will come crushing down too...

Press on, the storm will be over.

"Give me a call soon"- the msg that got my inside all twisted up.

2010-09-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

叉叉熊只会对这那片天空，跟在天堂的妈妈说
“一切都好。”
然后把小手轻轻地抚摸他的心。
他坚持最伤痛的地方要用最美丽的方式去抱扎。
含着泪水，看着浮面在河边的倒影。

你身旁也许也有一个叉叉熊，你察觉到了吗？

2010-09-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

Getting in touch with my inner peace.

I didn't know that the words can hit me that hard. Somehow, I was amazed that I can still function properly after hearing it. Perhaps the more scared one is, the more vulnerable one gets, the more the person will try to hide these flaws.

I just pray hard that my guardian angel is looking out for me somewhere out there. For now, I really need the strength to make the decision. It was merely a suggestion, but I fear the outcome.

If I have told you about it, please keep it to yourself. If I haven't told you, please don't probe alright? I just need some time to think through. Wini will be strong for people who still needs her. (:

2010-09-23T01:42:00.000+08:00

Why can't it get any better? ):

People say that laughter is the best medicine, but when I open my mouth to laugh, I will end up coughing. And even when I laugh, my chest and lungs will hurt because of the constant exertion from coughing. Its nearing a month, and I'm still coughing away. Seriously, what's wrong with me. D: I hate this. I want to cut my windpipe and lungs and changed for a new one. )): Sickening.

Its affecting my mood real badly, this stupid cough. Make me sound stupid in lecture. Make me feel giddy from coughing... Its those non-stop cough and when you finally stop, you feel the whole world spinning and you have to grab something to steady yourself. I guess when I'm coughing, I stopped breathing, and the feeling is really bad. Coupled with my anemic and low blood pressure problem, I won't be surprised if I find myself lying on the floor, and pass out from the coughing.

Been drinking gallons of water to suppress the cough. )): Wini, please get well soon will you? Please.

2010-09-16T12:56:00.001+08:00

It feels weird to see the words I said before being quoted and told to another as encouragement. It made me think, did my words made you feel better and thus you decided to pass them on to the next person to help them tide through the trying period? (:

As I looked upon those words. So familiar yet so distant. Why had I been able to say that to someone, but not to myself?

Taylor Swift - Mine

2010-09-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

Taylor swift- Mine

Oh, oh,oh

Oh, oh oh

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?"
As we's lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes

This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Oh, oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight, two- thirty AM
You said everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street.

Braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it

I can see it.

If only..its true. (:

2010-09-15T00:01:00.001+08:00

I pasted a clear piece of scotch tape on my spec case one year ago. I never removed it because I kept forgetting about it, and when I remembered it, I'm no where near the bin. Today, when I took out my case, I saw that the tape had somehow formed a letter on it. It was "Y". Somehow I think it seems to sum up my feelings perfectly. Having just started Yr2, I'm still facing with a lot of choices, a lot of questions to answer and a lot of questions left unanswered.

There are many times I wondered "Y". But the questions, I shan't post up here. There are also times when I think of "Y", a series of other questions will pop out, and making my current situation looking more dire than it can be. Many "if" left me regretting my past actions. Thus, to stop myself feeling guilty with the "Y" questions, I must change my mindset and "GET THINGS MOVING".

Move on, no point turning back. We can't change the past, but we can write our future, because we are going to create it with our decisions made today. One thing learnt in Econs, our actions today can affect our future profit. Likewise, I shall "invest" more time and effort now, to reap the "profit" in future. Shall not forgo my chance to invest and regret not getting the dividend and earn the interest rate over the period.

Positive thinking from now on. Sweep those negative thought under the map, they shall stay there till I'm ready to face them again.

2010-09-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

- Milftoof (www.mymilktoof.blogspot.com)

Roomie, this picture reminded me of the 2 of us. Piling things onto our bed and sleeping peacefully beside one another at night. Feels comforted knowing that after a long hard day in school, theres always you in the room to cheer me up a little. Promise you that I will be back in functioning siao char bo mode soon. <3 you.

2010-09-10T21:07:00.000+08:00

'share with me all ur troubles and feelings. I want to hear u k. Don't keep it to urself and jack'- thanks. (:

2010-09-10T17:39:00.000+08:00

Death

It came so suddenly.
Little, poor Little. He died on Tuesday, while I was out clubbing.
Had him since I was Sec 3, one of the twin that Garlic bore towards her end of her life.
He had been a bundle of joy since then. Having to bear the sadness of having his little sister and mum to depart before him, he seems to possess this zest for life that make the death of my other piggies much easier to bear knowing he is still around.
But now, even he has chosen to leave me alone... Didn't get to say my good bye, and how much I regretted that towards the end of his life, I hardly had time for him. Been busy with FOC, moving into hall and starting of school. Facing death alone without his owner by his side is probably the saddest thing, no comforting words, no proper goodbye. I miss his whining and squealing so very much.
Joel asked me if I will get another. My reply was, how can you replace someone so special in my heart.? It will take time to heal, and for now, I hope Little is happy in the piggy heaven. May he be reunited with his sister and mother.

Cherish the ones most special before its too late. Cliche I know, but true nonetheless.

2010-09-09T02:52:00.002+08:00

Knowing, unknowing

Had my 1st proper club experience. As expected, its dance, drinks, jiak bak. Seen the best of some people and the worst of many. The traumatizing scene just kept popping in my mind. I was lucky that a good Samaritan came and blocked me from any further harm. Goodness, had I not known him for so long, would have labeled him my hero. Nonetheless, told him added a lot of points for him. Haha. Going to help him search for his angel!

Between knowing and unknowing, I choose the latter... At least ignorance provides temporary shelter and bliss.

2010-09-04T21:39:00.001+08:00

Nostalgia

The video brought back many memories. As the video went on, my heart string tugged sadly with the tune. Those were the days, the carefree us with no fear for the future. Daring, Determination, Discernment, Disciplined, and Duty. These are the values which we embrace and differentiate us from the others.

Meet up with the people who made my Secondary School life so awesome. The boys still remain as boyish as ever. Wai Kit with his goofy smile and questioning me about my uni/private life. Pei Ren with his distinctive voice and the target for all our sabotage. Zong Bao with his usual "I don't know" & "anything" vibes. Nadiah, my beloved 3-third. Wanyin, my 1-third. And Zubaidah, the energy bunny!(: Some of them are unable to make it. Oh well, we have to meet up real soon! All of us were talking about the video I tagged them in. I guess they feel the same way as me...

It had been 4 years since we graduated. We had spent 4 years together, training in the sun, learning to field cook, doing knots and lashing, getting scolded and receiving punishment. The blood, tears and sweat shared only made us much closer. We are a family. ((: And will always be.

Some friends come and go. Those who stick around the longest are the ones you should never let go. Cheers to our friendship. Many more years to come.

Taking a trip down memory lane
Things have changed One thing remains
That they will always have each other
And even though those days have gone
They know here is where they belong
Theres some kinda magic in the air--- Olivia Ong

2010-09-03T18:19:00.000+08:00

Walking

I have always like walking. Squeezing into a crowded bus to get to my destination is not my thing, unless its a long journey and my 2 legs will die if I attempt to walk.

Walked the familiar route home today, the same path I took whenever I returned home from school in the past. Thinking back, the only other person I had walked this path with other than my family is Mushroomy. When we held on to our bubbletea and grumbled about school, about tutors, about everything, and the many laughters we shared. I missed you Shroomy! This path is actually the longer route. I guess I didn't brought him to take this path with me because in case things don't work out, I can still walk this path and not think about it. As I reached the crossroad, I looked over at the shorter path that we took the other 2 times. I just wondered, why me? But Mushroomy told me that there is no such thing as Why. I guess its an uncontrollable feeling that can't be explained. Many thoughts ran through my mind.

I'm still not brave enough. I don't wish to be tied down. At this time, I guess, finding my textbooks should be top priority. Perhaps, I shouldn't be that selfish. :/ The fridge in my room just constantly remind me that I ought to be kinder... Hope my smile made your day, at least. Thanks for everything. I really appreciate it a lot. (:

2010-09-01T11:53:00.000+08:00

3rd day of school.

I'm still coughing away... It feels as if my lungs are going to be coughed out any minute. Went to see the doctor yesterday and gotten some medication. $17.15! )): School just started and I'm broke. Next will be sourcing out for textbook..

Those smses kind of made my day.(: Hall life makes everything a little bit more bearable. At least I made lot of awesome friends.

2010-08-30T11:53:00.000+08:00

There are many decisions that we have to made in life. At times, whenever I'm at the cross road and being forced to make a decision, all I want to do is to run away. After talking to some people and getting some sound advice and some pretty biased advice, I have made my decision. At times, I feel selfish. but on the other hand, why can't I be a wee bit kinder to myself? I know that deep down in my heart, this is the path I want to take, but somehow, by making this choice, it seems like I have just snatch a sweet from someone else's hand.

FOC'10 had just ended. The past year of endless meetings and planning, the many proposals we submitted, be it SAO or AIs. How the proggies "mug" the AIs before the camp, tweaking the timetable here and there, using Cheng Yang "Chilli-onion" to chase the grey skies away and the many late nights we spent doing preparations and waking up early to transport and set-up stations for the camp. All these for the new batch of Freshies. In my mind, what kept me going was to provide the freshies the best experience and best opportunity to bond. But things don't always work our way. The smell of gun powder and fiery rivalry between the OG fueled the animosity. Their only goal seems to be winning, but what they didn't see is that ultimately, we are all Hall 14 residents, we are one big family. Things I heard along the way, like how the seniors questioned our integrity when conducting the game and so on, just hurt us more. It shouldn't be like this isn't it? FOC is the 1st platform the new freshies sees us, if the seniors can't even work well, how can we strive to build a cohesive family?

In life, many things happened for a reason... Perhaps now, I'm still too short-sighted to see. But as with time, when I look back, I should be able to connect the dots.

2010-08-21T17:25:00.002+08:00

I hope I didn't know so much. Because I don't think I'm ready. And I don't wish to hurt you either. Please give me some more time. I'm sure with time, I may be ready. With time, everything will fall in place. With time, I may see things clearer. But now, my mind is in a clutter, and heart in a jumble. So many things happened, and too many changes. I don't wish to lose the chance, but neither am I brave enough to take it up as of now. I hope you will wait, but if you can't, I won't blame you. You deserve the best, and I'm not.

2010-08-19T00:40:00.001+08:00

When Harry had to leave, to find the Deadly Hallows to fight the Dark Lord, his parting with Ginny wasn't all kiss and tears. He didn't ask Ginny to wait for him, and she didn't demand anything from him. But they both knew that, deep down, their hearts are beating in sync. Distance will not separate them, as long as their hearts are still with one another. With that, they parted ways, asking each other to take care...

2010-08-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

I said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I need to talk to someone now. Someone who knows everything from the very start.

2010-08-14T00:33:00.000+08:00

Beyond the laughter, the smile, the facade, the mask...

Look through the pair of eyes into the soul of the person. The eyes speak the truth. The denial tone you used, the lies you tell, just a look into those eyes, and you would have lost the game. The eyes are the windows to our souls...

What do you see when you look at the mirror, into those pair of eyes...

I told myself everything is going to be alright...

2010-08-13T00:20:00.000+08:00

Words of wisdom:

Find someone not because hes nice, hot or cute, but because he is someone special, someone you can see yourself grow old with, someone who can tolerate all you eccentricities and at the end of the day love you for who you are.

I'm glad not because I have you by my side, but because every morning when I wake up, I know thats someone whom I love, loves me wholeheartedly too, and thats you. Distance cannot separate two people, if their hearts are beating in sync.

Words of a fool

He loves me, he loves me not... Does he loves me more? Or do I love him more?( stupid, love cannot be measured. It grows with time and blossoms into seeds of happiness.)

How do I know if he is the one? (There is no THE ONE. You and him make ONE.)

2010-08-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

I believe everything is planned out. I just have to follow my heart, follow what's installed for me. Every disappointment in life is to teach me a valuable lesson. Every success cannot be followed by complacency. When one door closes, the other will open. Do not despair. No matter how dire the situation looks, if theres a will, theres a way out of it all.

Hope, pray, wish that the new year will be a greater beginning... You too my friend. (:

2010-08-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

She was indeed someone from a different world. A class of their own- the elite class...

Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself at the full dress rehearsal of the YOG. For the 1st time, I actually felt that we can showcase Singapore on the international stage... Although it wasn't perfect, can't hold a candle to China, at that moment, all I felt was pride for the nation. The location, set up on the floating platform, was amazing. The city skyline- with the MBS on the left and the sky scrapers and Merlion Park on the right and the stage on the Singapore River. The perfect use of the water fountain and the clever usage of water dance in the shallow parts showed our innovation. The energetic dance of from the Youth and the multi-coloured costumes showing our rojak mixed of people. Uniquely Singapore's "o-ya-pei-ya-shom-ba-leh-ya-roti-prata-cha-kuay-tiao" made it to the stage as the little children pranced happily on stage. Though they weren't very prepared, with minor and 1 major hiccup, it was still entertaining...

The rain did little to dampen the spirit and pride that Singaporeans had... The loudest cheer was reserved for us, and us only. ((:

2010-08-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

Work, at last.. Pretty easy job for the amount they are paying. Came back home with a bag full of gummy bears and jacobs' biscuits. It was easy entertaining the crowd, the little ones can be a handful, but nonetheless still sweet angels! (: The worst were not the "gian-peng" aunties but rather the highly irritating advisers.

Seriously, we were PAID by our events company and only take their instructions. Don't you boss us around or force us to take your instructions. Seriously... If you want contacts, please go down to the ground and make contact. Stop leeching off the contacts we garnered at our booth. Seriously, these agents are sooo irritating. They cut queue to get freebies for their potential clients, attempt to steal clients at our booth, and obstruct our operations by parking themselves infront of the the redemption counter. D: And obviously, why would we be willing to work for you guys... Plus, there is nothing to be proud off, earning 5K after being in this industry for 10 years. If your start-up pay was 2.5K, it only works out to be $250 increase a year. Is that enough to cover inflation?

Tired feet but heavier pockets= happier Wini with less worries.

Smiling and entertaining the crowd wasn't that tough. My 1st attempt at flyer distribution was fun too, trying to make eye contact and smile work wonders. It helped that there were a few cute guys around. Haha. Nonetheless, the work being a station master at one of the carnival game booth was much more fun. Seeing kids and "kids" of various ages being entertained and enjoying themselves brought lots of joy. ((: All worth it. The long hours of standing, morning rides to work and busting my weekend.

2010-08-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

Wanted to blog but brain is too tired. :/ Such philosophical topics like needs VS wants should be left to a later date. On the other hand, perhaps it should just be left in the drafts.

Recent dreams kept me in a difficult position. The reason why I don't wish to dream and why I wish to dream is the same. Such irony. Can I learn to build me own dreams?

2010-08-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

Sun kissed my skin and left the markings behind. It hurts like hell, even though I spammed Sunblock lotion. Guess the sun loves me too much. My neighbour commented that I looked very tanned and that the rest of my family are very fair. :/ Thanks for the comparison.

Cycled with Cera and Cheryl today at ECP. Cera darling is back from Korea!(: But too bad, her school starts next week. Poor thing! Glad we met up today even though it meant more beatings from Cheryl! Met Rachel for dinner at Holland V. Arh.. Missed her much too, had a great chat and a great laugh. Karma, I fear.

Roomie made me smile this morning. Her simple sms just showed me how much she loves me! haha. ((:

Cycled all my worries away...~

2010-07-31T00:30:00.000+08:00

Hey Heart,

You are confusing me with the various signals you send up. They tell me nothing about what to do, and how to react. You offer no solution to the present. You can't have both of 2 worlds. They say to let the Heart decide, so I'm not interfering, but your indecisiveness is driving me crazy. Let me know your reply, so I will know what to do.

From the ever logical Brain.

Hello Brain,

Stop being so logical. Not everything has to be so definite. You are asking a Heart to give you a direct Yes/No answer? Thats impossible. Things do not fall in place that easily. What I can do is to save guard myself and stop YOU from making foolish decisions. Logic does not always have to appear in the equation. Just go with the flow and relax will you? Rushing into things will only make matter worst.

From the ever "go with the feel" Heart.

So tell me, who should I side when they are arguing?):

2010-07-28T15:01:00.001+08:00

The 1st ray of sunlight from the breaking dawn miraculously heal the pain of yesterday's.

The sun brings hope that today will be a better day. Why should we be bothered by the way others look at us? Do they meant something to us? We don't live a life to please everyone. As long as my conscience is clear, nothing you say can bring me down. Throw away all negative thoughts, throw away all things that doesn't matter to me. For those people who matters to me love me for being me.

Don't judge me if you don't know me. I can't stop you, but I will prove even the harshest critic wrong. Wini is strong and will not go down without a fight. :D The morning sun infused me with a strength I never knew exist.

2010-07-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

I really hope that I wasn't that close to hear those words.

I really hope that those words ain't directed to me.

Because if they are, it just goes to show how much you do not know me. If they do make you feel better, so be it. Your huge inflated ego is something I didn't or couldn't see in the past. I was blind then, but now its all clear.

Thanks for making me sound like the greatest bitch on earth.

2010-07-22T15:18:00.000+08:00

Theres enough love only for one...

The heart knows best who occupies it. When it starts to reject another, perhaps you should stop running away from the truth and face it. Teach it to let go and let another love, if not, only pain and anguish will wash over it. Letting go isn't as easy as said, your heart will fail to love again if handled wrongly.

A broken heart will never be whole again, for the scars will remind it the pain it went through before. Time will only lessen the pain..., or will it?

2010-07-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

" Fred, the fact that you are sad is unsettling." - The message

Don't worry, I'm fine. Everything is alright, or so I think. (:

2010-07-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

The dream. At that moment, in that safe environment, I felt unrestrained. No one to judge me, no one to question me, no one to control me. I was unabashed, brave and bordering reckless. But all these didn't matter, because I know no one will know all these, except me. What I did, what happened, who I met, and the adventures that unfold. If only they were true.

If only the you in that dream was real too.

2010-07-09T13:01:00.000+08:00

The human mind works in a funny way. It can conjure up funny thoughts and assumptions from what you take at face level. I'm really amaze or rather amuse at some of the things I heard from others these few days. The frequency of a certain comment surfacing and being reiterate by many different individuals baffles me. All I can say is, its not true, there is nothing going on, we are just friends.

Sometimes, things can be as plain as vanilla, but our over-active minds like to sensationalize things. Perhaps, our normal life seems too mundane that the mind chooses to retreat to its own fantasy world and conjure up images and stories to fool us into believing that all these may indeed be true. But sometimes, things are really as it is, no need to think too deeply into things, no need to read too much into actions. It could really be done out of pure and innocent intentions, not what you would rather choose to say, otherwise.

I am gullible if you might say, but I rather choose to believe that people are born good, and thus kindness should be received and accepted whole-heartedly. Any doubts against the person's intention should be condemn and not praise upon. You may say that no one will be willing to do so much if the person has no ulterior motives, but I will still choose to believe that it is possible, for when one does kindness, they should not seek any repayment in return. The act of giving is more fulfilling than the act of receiving, that in itself should be a good enough motivation for any act of kindness.

Hopefully, I'm not the fool here... You may say I'm blinded by my naive thoughts, but at least, I'm one happy fool living in my bubble. The world outside is too dangerous after all.

2010-07-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, I managed to get hall. My little efforts got recognized. (:

So here's to another great year in hall. With laughters, studying, mugging, supper, running, badminton-ing, night walks and all.

This year will be different. My neighbours will be different. No more popping over to JingYi's and Zhilin's room to say "Hi". Or talking outside, along the corridors.

Oh wells.

2010-07-07T23:12:00.000+08:00

My 1st post that went unpublished, and into drafts...

2010-07-07T01:27:00.000+08:00

Think with your head, feel with your heart and let time tells.

Been seeing this almost everywhere. Magazines and conversations. Is it that when we reach a certain age, there are certain obligations that we have to fall in love, to find someone to lean on, to find someone to grow old with.

Think with your head- alright, I shall assume its logical thinking. But then when you are feeling with your heart, don't people usually lose their mind and let the heart rule the brain.? And when it does happen, most of the time, what leads on after is heartbreak, because people fail to see the logic behind things, like "you don't matter as much to him anymore", "he was just toying with you" or you fail to observe danger signs "fire fire, stop playing with fire"

How much time can tell? And long does it takes for time to tell? If it never tells, will you keep on waiting? If you don't, what if it really is the ONE?

Sometimes, love is like a bus stop. When no one is there, its time we move on...

2010-07-06T02:19:00.000+08:00

I need a superman to save me...

Timetable looks bad.
Planning looks bad.
More and more screw-ups.. One after another.

Why am I the one to break the news? Give me strength to do so.

Let everything be fine once again.):

2010-07-04T20:53:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, the closest people are the ones whom we get irritated with the most.

When we get closer to someone, we start to form expectations. What we want from the person, what we expect the person to do, who we hope that person to be. But many times, the more expectations you have, the more disappointments will follow. They will not be the one we want them to be, they will always be themselves, the one we will discover as days pass.

Perhaps, because they fail to live up to our expectations, because we are too comfortable with them, or maybe we just expect too much...

I have learnt to not have any expectations anymore...

2010-07-03T03:03:00.002+08:00

"How do I know what I think until I see what I say?"

A thought to ponder...

2010-07-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

About 9 months ago, she left all of us, and embarked on a journey...

Fast forward, shes back...! She surprised all of us with her sudden appearance. And the best part is, she is still the same girl we had known back then. Living overseas made our little Bloopy grown to be more matured and independent, but shes still the same cute Bloopy we have known.

Bloop bloop. So glad you are back.(:

2010-06-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

I'm missing sitting on the breakwater and listening to the crashing waves. Let the wind tease my hair while I attempt to keep it in place. Cycle down the slope and listen to the rushing wind. Let my laughter fill the air. Pure happiness...

All this will come true again, hurry, I'm missing it dearly..

2010-06-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

Germany won((: Hahaha, 4-1! Though I think that the goal from Fank Lampard in the 1st half should be counted. Oh well! Good Job Klose!(: And Mueller, Polanski, Philip Lahm and Oevil!(: Such an exciting match! hahaha.

The experience of watching at the Kopitiam was awesome. The atmosphere, the cheerings, and of course the jeerings from the England Fans. There ain't many German Fans though, but Germany won, and thats what matter. (:

Germany took chances, and England took chances. The one that proved to be more fearless took the game, while the one that hesitated lost the match. Doesn't this resonates with life? So shouldn't the Germans inspire me?

Can't help rooting for no.11!(:

2010-06-25T18:55:00.000+08:00

Took the bus ride, a long bus ride alone. Plugging in to my iPod and letting myself soaked in the scenery. Many thoughts were flashing past my mind. I dismissed them off, refusing to let any one of them affect my "me" time. This respite from my busy schedules and dateline was badly needed. Even though I was running an errand, I felt more relaxed. Its like a mini adventure I'm undertaking, only me, and me alone. No one to bother me, no one to control me. Just like a bird being let out of a cage, I let the sweetness of freedom wash over me.

Perhaps, I was born differently... Perhaps, I am more guarded... Perhaps, I just don't want anyone intruding my private space... Perhaps, perhaps... I'm just scared of the unknown, scared it will hurt me, scared that... everything will change after...

2010-06-24T16:22:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I should feel happy, but somehow it scares me more. No, it isn't your fault, you had been great actually. Its just me.

Skeptical me taking over the logical side of me. Yeah, I guess I have to learn to trust. But how much can I choose to believe? Actions and words, they hardly telly. :/

2010-06-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

My iPod plays the right song at the right moments. It's as if it is in sync with my mind. (: The warm smile of yours will melt the strong icy defence I have built around me.

2010-06-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

Caught Toy Story 3 today!((: Pixar never fails to bring such awesome movie to the big screen. Just got me more excited about that Pixar exhibition. Hope you do too.

Sometimes, I should stop thinking so much and finding excuses. The truth could be just staring back at me. Wini, stop living in self-denial.(:

2010-06-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

Been having high fever for the past few days since Tuesday night, hovering around 38.5-39.1 degrees. I had mickey mouse ears- red big and swollen. And so much discomfort for the past few days and nights. I just slipped into semi-conscious state after taking my medication but the pain on my ears made it hard for me to sleep. The endless stream of dreams, drifting in and out of reality. Sometimes I wonder if what I dreamt about were real and what I thought did happen was just part of my dream.

Now I'm feeling much better, and both my ears have returned to its normal size. No longer big-ears mickey mouse. Jack has been a real help and source of strength, being by my side 24/7 and making sure that no one makes noise (though he doesn't know his bark is louder than any other noises! haha)

No chicken. no egg, no biscuits, no bread. Only porridge, fish and tofu. ): I'm missing my bread, but then if i eat it, I will end up looking like mian bao chao ren. ): oh well, rather not eat then. Mummy's angry I don't want to eat, but I'm really sick of eating those food.

2010-06-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

I should be contented. I am thankful, at the same time, I feel sorry for them, but then, in life, nothing is smooth sailing. I had my great fall too, and only you can teach yourself to stand up again. Hope that you guys can find the strength to move on from this. ((:

AND I STILL NEED A JOB! Why do I always have trouble finding job? I'm not very picky, just don't touch my Sundays, theres all I'm asking for. ): Hate this stupid Temp/part time market. Seriously, 6 years ago, you gave $6/hour, now you give $5.50-$6/hour. Have you heard of indexed wage to inflation? Its supposed to rise, not fall people!):

2010-05-29T22:53:00.000+08:00

Life isn't about winning or losing, it isn't about you getting everything. Its a journey of discovery. A journey to unravel the mystery that life holds. We seek answers, but before we do, we have to stumble upon countless of questions. The journey will not be smooth sailing, but with perseverance, the outcome will be fruitful. Throughout our whole life, we seek, but do we know exactly what we are seeking? Mindless seeking is tiring and worthless, as it leads to no where...

Do you know what are you seeking for?

2010-05-26T11:46:00.000+08:00

Random thought of the day: RAH, I need a job. ):

If things were to take a better turn,
I will... I would... I may...

Slow down
Take a stroll
Smell the flowers on the way

Wear a dress
Walk barefooted
Over the green grasses

Hold your hand
Tightly and surely
And walk till the sun set.

But...
Will you, would you, may u?(:

2010-05-18T21:18:00.000+08:00

Just like Cinderella, when the clock stuck 12, all the fairytale's gone...

I wondered how exactly did Cinderella felt. Would she wish she never meet the prince before so she would never long for him? Or would she resign to fate simply because of her social status? Or believe that she and her prince belonged to two different worlds and thus she did not deserve him?

To be or not to be.

Sometimes I wonder if my memories are crafted in a way to deceive me. I choose to believe what I want to believe. Pictures capture happy moments, sadness is only embedded deep in memory. Maybe that is why our memories are kept personal because they make us vulnerable. If two people were to experience the same event, will their memories telly?

I wonder, I wonder... You disappeared when the clock strike 12...

2010-05-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

你会因为错过遗憾而伤心吗？还是为了不要知道事实伤心而抱着遗憾呢？

因为害怕我会选择不知道事实。只有这样我才能傻傻的想信我所要的。在自己的保护膜里，不让心受到任何的伤害。

曾听说过人会因保护自己而把最美丽的一面给大家看。脆弱的心灵是不会给他人看到的。只有在信任下才会把保护膜拿下。

你会为了我而把你的面具拿下吗？

2010-05-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

Its getting too much. I seriously see no point in you still behaving this way, seriously... If you choose to believe it then so be it. Why is it that every time you do something wrong, we have to be the one to clear the mess? Why do you always have the ability to conveniently shift the guilt of it all to people around you? Why can't you just be a man and accept everything? Don't tell me you don't see it coming... Bragging and all is what you do best right? What about those promises you make? When you can't fulfill them, you go around hiding, then when you are cornered, you start to blame everyone and point fingers at everyone. Hello, please see that the root of it all is you, not anyone else. I'm sick and tired of seeing this situation all the time... Let go of the stupid pride and ego, and admit it all.

For that I will respect you.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are not the intended audience.